There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
