the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Its about making memories worth repressing
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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