sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
