Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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