yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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