apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
