Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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