he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
