After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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