we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
