Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
