I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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