How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have fence marks all over my body
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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