I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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