Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he fucked my hip out of place.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Randomize
