a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
