So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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