he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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