So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
