i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Randomize
