I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
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I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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