My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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