6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
