sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
