Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
