Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
