dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
