you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
