is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
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