I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
