Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Are we in a gay sports bar?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
