hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
