we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
