she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
