You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
