Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
