The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
