dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
whose ass print is on the piano?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
