Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
