I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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