my phone needs a breathalizer
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She even gives head with a lisp.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
