Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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