What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
