Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
