I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
