susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
