I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
