Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
