I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
