He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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