Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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