I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
