After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
