I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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