so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
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Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
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And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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