so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
