my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
