paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think I won the penis lottery.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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