No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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