we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
