she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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