I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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