He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
