He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
