now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
