i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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