he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
