Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
