Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
