one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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