two words: eviction party
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
