we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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