I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
