She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
