Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
All I want is dick and wine.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
