I hope mine doesn't look like that
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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