Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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