Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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