Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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