i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Kiss
Puke
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
the liver wants what the liver wants
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
