Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just forgot I was standing up.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
