I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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