U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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