im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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