Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We have so much sex to catch up on
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
